PHI POETRY
Samsara of dreams
ZEN – ART – PHI.LOSOPHY (class) – THE SAMSARA OF DREAMS
(by Phi and T.)
I wake up in the rain
And find myself walking in a forest
No wonder why
I close my eyes and enjoy the sound of the rain
There is a finer noise on the treetops
A light patter
Created by the drops fall from the clouds
Those beautiful pure pearl drops
Tapping off the leaves
builds into larger drops
and falls to the lower plants
making a deeper thodding sound…
The closer the forest floor the larger the drops
The larger the drops the sooner the rain would stop.
Most of the rain now is running off
Most of the lives in the forest is coming back slowly
Birds are singing
here and there
Even in a heavy rain, they would not stop.
Having a free life with the wings to fly anywhere
birds still need a home
For taking a rest?
Sheltering themselves under leaves and branches
Dancing in the sun and singing with the rain
Sometimes they lost their home in the rain
but very soon they suss out another good nest
You never stop celebrating, birdies?
I slowly open my eyes
And view all the shades of green in the wood
The leaves, grass, flowers and mist…
I blink my eyes
And in just a blink I can see all the shades of my life
Up and down, happiness and sadness,
emptiness and deeper emptiness…
When eyes close
Other senses work better
I can feel
something just touches my skin
Like a warm drop
Is it my tear?
Or, it’s the rain?
Oh, a warm rain in the forest…
Water is as hot as shower at home
How?
No how
That feeling is so good
I quickly stop douting
And starting undress myself
No worry if anybody around or not
My skin wants to feel this
I’m going to give what it wants
Water is so light and soothing
Like the touch of a lover
Water is so warm and soft
Like the touch of you…
Lover
My lover
I can feel you
I can see you
Right front of my eyes
Hiddin in the shade of the mist
As you always are
Lover
I want to hold you
I want to kiss you gently
I want to taste the sweet of wild-fruit on your lips
But a big drop of water from the rain
Quickly wash that taste away
This rain is lovely but seem does no help…
Lover
I’m so thirsty
The thirst in my soul that no water can take it away
Lover
I’m so thirsty
For you
For your love
Sometimes I wonder
Is my thirst just for love
and not for you?
Like my thirst is for the juice only
and not for the fruit?
Is there any difference
Between the juice and the fruit
Is there any boundary
In you and your love?
Can I still have your love without having you?
Can I have the taste of fruit without eating the fruit?
Can my tongue taste the fruit without using my teeth?
When the tongue feels the good, teeth also want to know
It is my greedy, it is my sin.
It is my way to destroy everything I have loved.
Everything I touched, turned to dust.
Everything I touched, would fading.
Kissing you in the forest is not a good idea
It causes in me a lust that I know would turn into a flood
That flood would take you away
As always
There is a desire, there is a thirst
There is a thirst, there is no peace
As always
There is a lust, there is no pure-love
There is a flood, there is no “you”
The moment I see myself drowning in the flood
It’s the moment you start fading
Disappearing like the mist when the sun goes up
Like the drop when it hits the ground
You always disappear like that
You disappear before I can taste more juice on your lips
You disappear before I know you are there
So quick
So sad…
Lover
You never let me have a chance
To be with you
in the flood
Lover,
I feel so bad
I feel so sad
I’m so lonely
In the rain of the forest
Lover
Can I faded
And disappear just like you?
Lover
Can you take me wherever you go
Even if it is hell
I would be happier
Than living a life without love
My life is just as grey as a rainny day without your love
The rain is still in the forest
I feel so thristy
I feel so lonely
I want to go home
But where is home?
Now the warm drops are not from the cloud
They are leaking from my heart
Now the warm drops are no more pure
But they are seem red
Like the blood bleeding from the unknown wound
in my heart
Where am I?
Who am I?
This question always hits me good.
I see myself crying
Like a baby in the forest
Happy to know the rain would wash them away
Happy to know I am alone in the forest
I don’t want anyone to see my tears
Only you can see it
You see me cry so many times
And never tell me to stop
I can feel salty on my lips
I can feel the thirst is burning my soul…
And I open my eyes
I wake up again
Find myself in a tent when camping in the forest
And it’s raining outside
The drops falling off on the roof make perfect sadness sound
So it was a dream
But how I can still taste you on my lips
How I still taste the bitterness on my throat
From the thirst?
I’m still thirsty
Nothing can take away this thirst
I wonder why
Standing up with my bare feet on the cold floor
Looking for a bottle of water
I look out of the tent
And I see…
There is someone out there
There is someone hiding behind a tree in the forest
Standing quietly in the light-dark that flooded by the moonlight
I can see with my bare eyes
There is someone out there
Looking at me
Waving back to me
Calling me to follow into the forest
A rainy night in a forest
Am I still in that dream
Or this is another dream
Created by the thirst?
Water always has no taste
My tongue starts licking my lips
So dry
So real
So confuse
And so weird…
I close my eyes and open them again
I take a deep breath just to make sure I still breath
I pour the water from the top of my head just to wake myself up
Useless…
Helpless…
Everything I do is useless
Just like everything I have done in my life
So far so good and also meaningless
It does not help
As nothing does any help…
I look out from the window of the tent
It passed midnight
There is still
someone in the forest
waving me behind the old big tree
Should I follow the curiousity or should I just back to bed?
I decide to follow it
As I alway do
I want to know what is all this about
As I always want to
Or I do not?
Even tasting a bitter dream is better than a no taste-reality
I want to taste that dream again,
even know it would be so unhappy at last
I still choose it anyway.
Even know the ending of the dream would break me badly
I still choose it anyway
Even know you would never be with me
I still choose you
Anyway
Lover…
I don’t care if you are another nightmare or not
Wait for me, I’m coming…
I open the tent
Start running into the forest
on my bare feet
with my bare soul
Running to you
I’m running to you
The shadow in the forest
The unnamed-soul in the forest
The stranger-soul in the forest
Why you alway come to me anytime I come to the forest?
I don’t care
I run to you anyway
I know you are there
Somewhere
Waiting for me
Waiting for my kiss and then faded
I know after the kiss
You again left me
with the bitter loneliness
I don’t care
I still come to you
How long I would do such a thing that I know it’s bitter at last?
How long it would take me to get out of this scary sweet dream?
What it costs me to get out of this dream?
A grey life or a great one is waiting if I wake up?
Do I need to wake up?
Do I want to wake up?
I stop asking question
No time for questions now
I am in rush
To back to the race
Of chasing you
Chasing a shadow in the forest
Chasing a naked soul
Chasing a ghosh
Chasing for what I don’t even care
I need to feed my thirst!
I’m going to feed my thirst for you.
You are my beautiful desirable lover
You are my mystery
You are my mist…
Where are you?
Who are you?
And why
Why you give me this idea
That only you
can tell me
Who I am!!!
Why only you can tell me
What I am!!!
I will chase you
to the end of life
to the death
I will catch you
I will make you to stop
this samsara of dreams
Oh samsara
You got me!
You got me!
You got me!!!
Phi Art Zen
Phi and Tom – we painted this dream together and I turned this painting into a poem
The next class we will turn this poem into a real painting…
Namaste
